“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
My parents repeated these words to me over and over again. I didn’t fully comprehend the meaning of these words when I was younger. Even now, I am not always successful at following this instruction. But that frequent parental reminder from many years ago has recently taken on new life for me.
The Bethel Artist Music collective was in Nashville two weeks ago. I was invited to attend their concert with a few family and friends. I walked into the concert venue, The Grand Ole Opry House, expecting to be entertained. That mission was certainly accomplished. But I didn’t expect to walk out transformed with such fresh vision about the power conveyed in the words I speak. Every song they sang, every word they spoke, and every prayer they prayed was life-giving. The spirit of God spoke to me that night. He didn’t speak in an audible voice, but he repeated these words to me over and over during my drive home, as I fell asleep that night, and as I woke up the next morning. In fact, he has continued to repeat these words to me every day since then. What are these words? SPEAK LIFE.
It’s a simple concept really, to speak words that encourage, lift up, support, and empower people to move towards becoming and doing what God intends for them…intends for all of us. But this concept is not always as simple to put into practice. We are sometimes wired to speak the worst and not the best about other people, and even about ourselves. Our mind hears the words that we say about ourselves. Then our mind starts believing those words, setting us up for anxiety, fear, and depression.
I watched at the Bethel concert with amazement as one of the singers named Jen, between songs, said, “Is there someone in the audience named Katie – with a K?” Out of a few thousand people in the sold-out crowd at the Grand Ole Opry, one woman several rows in front of me raised her hand. The singer continued, “I just feel like we are supposed to pray for you. Will everyone join me in praying blessings over Katie with a K?” As she started praying, she stopped and said, “Katie, I don’t know why, but in my mind I am seeing artwork hanging all over the walls of your house. Are you an artist?” Katie amazingly responded that she was, and the singer prayed blessings over not only Katie, but over her ministry of artistry, that people would be blessed by the offerings of her talent.”
I imagine Katie with a K left that auditorium changed forever because of the words of life spoken over her by someone she had never before met. Words have power. How we use them is up to us.
I once heard the story of a young man who approached a Rabbi, asking for help in reconciling with someone. The young man explained that he had said something hurtful, and the person who had been hurt refused to forgive him. He couldn’t understand why he couldn’t take the errant words back, since he had apologized for his verbal indiscretion.
The Rabbi instructed the young man to bring him a feather pillow. He followed the Rabbi’s instruction, returning with a pillow full of feathers. The Rabbi instructed him to cut the pillow open and pour out the feathers. The young man did as he was told. As the shredded pillow was shaken, feathers flew in every direction. Some scattered hundreds of yards away. Some were lifted up by the wind, ending up at the top of the tallest trees.
The young man looked at the Rabbi and said, “What do I do now?” The Rabbi replied, “Now go retrieve all of the feathers.” “How is that even possible?”, the young man exclaimed in dismay. “The feathers have spread everywhere. Some have blown away, and some are out of reach. I will never be able to collect them all now that they have been released from the pillow.”
“Such is the fate of the words we speak”, declared the wise Rabbi. “You may be able to collect some of the words you have spoken, but others are now out of reach for retrieval.” Finally, the young man understood the weight of the words he had spoken that caused so much pain to his friend.
I can relate to that young man. I have blurted words that I have regretted more times than I can count or care to admit. I’m a recovering “blurter”. That’s why I have become so conscious of the importance of becoming intentional about using my words to encourage others.
Anecdotally, an incident occurred just this past week that further illustrates this point. A well-known pastor from California, during a celebration of his 50 years in ministry, was asked in front of a large audience to play a word association game. He was given several words and phrases and was asked to give an off-the-cuff response to each. Knowing that he was a proponent of churches that allow only men to preach, the person engaging him on stage said the name of a well-known, female bible teacher as part of the word association “game.” The pastor’s immediate response upon hearing her name? “Go home.”
This conversation has been shared on social media tens of thousands of times since it occurred. Those two words, “go home”, have ignited a firestorm on twitter. (Can you see the feathers flying?) Even words spoken flippantly can be incredibly divisive. I love what author Sarah Bessey had to say about the entire “Go Home” debacle. She said, “You know who never told women to go home? JESUS.”
I don’t want this post to turn into a feminist attack. That’s not the intent or the message. But I hope this last example will serve as a cautionary tale of how words can heal, or words can hurt.
I read the book of Proverbs almost every month. There are thirty-one chapters, so it is a book that is nearly perfect for a monthly read of one chapter a day. I was struck earlier this month by the simplicity of chapters 3 and 4. These chapters discuss the importance of chasing after kindness, loyalty, wisdom, understanding, good judgment and common sense. These chapters urge the reader to pursue these qualities, promising a good reputation and a long life for those who possess them. But I think these qualities also lend themselves to the ability to speak life to those living within our area of influence. The bible says that out of the abundance of the heart, our mouth speaks. If our heart is filled with kindness, loyalty and understanding, our words will be, too.
How am I putting what I am writing about into practice? “Baby steps” is the answer. I am learning to look the strangers in the eye who are riding with me in an elevator. I smile and wish them a great day if they exit before me. I tell my waiter at the restaurant what a good job he is doing serving my table. I check in with the Vietnamese woman at the nail salon, asking how her son is doing in college and if her daughter has taken her ACT test. I really listen to her response, trying to understand every word despite her thick accent. I thank her for always taking care of me with a smile.
These kindnesses sound insignificant. But they let people know they are seen and have value. So, here’s the challenge. Is there someone you can encourage today? Kindness is contagious in the most wonderful ways. I hope you decide to join me in this kindness experiment. Let’s speak life together, shall we? The world can use all of the encouragement it can get.